Yet Again
by Maebmin
Summary: "I got involved the moment you left her behind." After meeting with Kaidan on Horizon, Garrus and Shepard's relationship begins to change (for the better, of course). Focuses on Garrus and his attitudes. Rated M for language and a little bit of smuttiness at the end.
1. Chapter 1

"Yet again, we're the only ones

No surprise, this is often how it's done."

-Grizzly Bear

Author's Note: This took way longer than expected, but for my first ME fic, I wanted to write my interpretation for my Shepard's relationship with Kaidan and Garrus and that ended up evolving quite a bit. It's a little bit Villain!Kaidan, but I love Kaidan to bits and I'm planning on writing more about him, so forgive me.

I tried to stay canon for ME 2, but I took some authorial liberties here and there.

Rated M for language and a little bit of smuttiness at the end.

—

Garrus set his rifle on his back and took a deep breath. The last of the Collectors had disappeared into the sky and he relinquished a small smile as he looked up, holding his hand against the sunlight in his eyes.

It disappeared when he felt Miranda's gloved hand unexpectedly tap his shoulder. He looked down, first at her and then up at Shepard walking away towards a dark haired, dark skinned man with a square jaw. Garrus's mouth opened slightly with surprise. It was the biotic from the Normandy. Lieutenant Alenko.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first Human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delann," He motioned to the remaining colonist next to them, and paused, "And a ghost."

The Lieutenant looked her up and down with misty eyes. Garrus had to admit that those first few moments of seeing Shepard alive again was indescribable, but the biotic's face was not of joy or even doubt. His eyes were heavy and his lips were pursed tight.

It took him by surprise when Alenko suddenly embraced Shepard. It was long and tight with plenty of tension, of which Garrus took note. Delann rolled his eyes and walked away, cursing.

"I thought you were dead, Shepard. We all did," Alenko briefly looked up at Garrus with familiarity and at Miranda with lingering interest before he looked back at Shepard.

"It's been too long, Kaidan. How've you been?" Shepard stumbled for words. She brushed her short red hair behind her ear, with some uncooperative strands sticking to her sweaty forehead.

Alenko's face contorted in anger and he folded his arms in defense, "…Is that all you have to say? You show up after two years, and just act like nothing happened. I thought we had something Shepard. Something real." He sighed deeply. "I loved you. Thinking you were dead tore me apart. How could you put me through that?"

Garrus watched Shepard's eyes widen and she looked down awkwardly towards her squad mates. Her mouth started to open when Alenko began again.

"Why didn't you try to contact me? Why didn't you let me know you were alive? I had to hear speculation about you being with Cerberus out of the blue, and you made me track you down out here. Did you think once about how that would make me feel?"

Garrus noted Miranda taking a few steps back, and he tried to copy her. The awkwardness was almost unbearable. He watched Miranda dig her black heel into the dirt in boredom while he listened to Shepard bumble her way through the conversation, trying to explain Cerberus and apologize for the lack of contact.

"…I wanted to believe the rumors that you were alive. But I never expected anything like this. You turned your back on everything we believed in. You betrayed the Alliance…You betrayed me," His voice nearly cracked.

"Kaidan," Her voice coming out slow and uneven, "You know me. You know I'd only do this for the right reason. You saw it yourself. The collectors are targeting human colonies, and they're working with the Reapers."

"I want to believe you, Shepard, but I don't trust Cerberus. They could be using the threat of a reaper to manipulate you."

Miranda spoke up, almost to the sound of Garrus hissing for her to be quiet, "Typical Alliance attitude. You're so focused on Cerberus that you're blind to the real threat."

Kaidan looked up spitefully at Miranda, and then pointed the anger in his face towards Garrus. "And you'd tell Garrus before you told me? Christ, Shepard."

Shepard glanced awkwardly at Garrus. "It wasn't like that at all Kaidan, Cerberus—"

"And Garrus, I can't believe you're buying this. I can't believe that you'd encourage Shepard by joining up." Alenko looked back down at Shepard, "The old Normandy crew was completely destroyed by your death, Shepard…But most of us found something better to do than wait for Shepard to magically reappear. I see Garrus wasn't so lucky."

Garrus paused and his mouth went dry. That should have incited him. He should have tackled the Lieutenant to the ground, or say the first thing that came to mind about Alenko: That he had had the Alliance to fall back on. He always would. But Garrus left the Normandy with nothing after Shepard died. He had no C-Sec, no formal order to work the pain away. He had sought out solace on Omega, taking down criminals with the vigilante justice that Shepard discouraged so long ago, only to meet with loss again after the betrayal by Sidonis. He had a million retorts to the biotic. But his body did nothing. His mouth fell open in shock, but no words would come out.

Alenko came closer to Shepard after Garrus failed to respond, putting his face close enough for him to talk down to her. "Maybe you feel like you owe Cerberus 'cause they saved you. Maybe you're the one who's not thinking straight. You've changed, but I still know where my loyalties lie." He began to turn around when Shepard reached out one last time.

"I could use you on my crew, Kaidan…It would be just like old times."

"No, it won't," He stopped in his tracks and turned his head only slightly. "Goodbye Shepard… Be careful."

He stalked off behind the colony's build, and was finally out of sight. Shepard stood still for several moments. Garrus could hear her breathing through her nose, and he could imagine her closing her green eyes in annoyance.

She finally reached for her communicator on her ear. "Joker, send a shuttle to pick us up. I've had enough of this colony." She turned around and didn't meet anyone's eyes as she began walking to the rendezvous point.

As they rode the shuttle back to the Normandy, Miranda was quick to begin planning their next move, negotiating Shepard's and Cerberus's ideals. She had no grace period for personal business. Shepard looked tired but she maintained interest, insisting that the victory today against the Reapers was minor but worth noting. She never was bested by her emotions, and her discourse remained strong.

Garrus leaned back, resting his head on the shuttle's plastic seats. _So the rumors were true. Shepard and the biotic._ He had heard the crew giggling about it like school girls in the cargo bay. But he had always figured it was just squad flirtation that had never turned into anything more. Evidently, he had been wrong.

He looked down at the dust that had accumulated on his armor from the dry climate and fighting. That was a dirty fight that the Collectors were playing. They made him nauseous when he saw them. Seeing their brown bodies reminded him of worms eating away at a dead animal; feeding on death. Just like Omega.

But now he had a Spectre back on his side. She made him feel powerful again. Her return brought order to the chaos his life had become.

Maybe Alenko was right. Maybe Garrus had been dying for Shepard to return that whole time. He never came close to feeling content about himself on Omega like he did on the Normandy. When Shepard came back, he felt like he could be proud of himself again.

"…And the Illusive man wants to meet with you again in the comm room…"

He closed his eyes and waited for shuttle to dock with the Normandy.

—

That night, Garrus was sitting alone in starboard observation. He held his personal datapad of news from Palaven and messages from his sister. He read through them bored, zoning out occasionally while looking at the stars outside the window.

He began to yawn when it was stifled by the door opening. He turned slightly to see Shepard peeking her head in. Her eyes widened. She seemed pleased to see him.

"Commander."

"This ships awfully empty still. It's hard to find anyone in all this space."

His curiosity was piqued and he turned the datapad's screen off, "Were you looking for me?"

She folded her arms and leaned against the wall. "It was the Illusive man himself who leaked my being with Cerberus…and he led the Collectors there today by bargaining that they'd want me."

"I see…why wait for the Collectors to strike when you can lure them yourself and be prepared?"

Shepard smiled, but shook her head at the same time, "I have a feeling he's going to be bargaining me more than I expected. We can't expect that he's going to be telling us the whole truth about things anymore."

"Just stay sharp, Shepard. He needs you more than you need him, I think."

Her arms came unfolded, and she closed her eyes.

"Is that all he had to say?"

"No…but I can brief you when I brief the crew tomorrow."

"I'll wait anxiously."

She smiled, and there was silence for some time. It wasn't awkward, and Garrus relished the mutual quiet.

"Are you busy right now?" She moved towards him.

"Of course not…Do you want to sit down?"

She sat down to the left of him, turning to him and putting one of her knees up to her chest, "I'm sorry about Kaidan, Garrus. He was out of line to bring you into it." She pushed her face into the arm that rested upon her knee.

"Was he not out of line for calling you a traitor?" Garrus smiled when he said it, but his voice was serious.

She shook her head slowly, and looked up at the stars outside the window, "He said exactly what I would have said if I had been in his position. He's Alliance, through and through…Just like I used to be." Her voice trailed off. She bit her lip and then began again. "Of course I thought about contacting him, but there has been so much to do. And what would I have said? 'Yes I'm alive and with Cerberus, but don't worry, I have it covered?'…Was there anything I could have done different?"

Garrus sat, rubbing his knee thoughtfully while he listened. He looked up at her and realized she was expecting an answer. He thought for a moment. "If me and Alenko know the same Shepard, he has to know your convictions. You wouldn't be with Cerberus if you didn't have to be. And you need to remember that he was seeing his—" He paused and looked up at Shepard, who stared back blankly, "…Friend after she was dead for two years. How else could he react? But that doesn't mean it's your fault, Shepard."

Shepard nodded again and sighed. It was silent for a minute.

"…So you and Alenko, huh? Isn't he a little scrawny for you?"

Shepard finally smiled and even let out a laugh, "Shut up, asshole."She blushed and paused, choosing her words carefully, "It's been two years for Kaidan, but it feels only like a month for me," She gazed out the window once more.

"You mean you still have feelings for him?" Garrus leaned his head forward inquisitively.

Her eyes didn't move. "I don't know, Garrus. Even if I've only been conscious for a couple weeks the past two years, my priorities are completely different. I feel like a completely different person. I look at Kaidan and I remember the Alliance and I remember the N7 soldier I used to be. It's all changed so much. I defined myself by the Alliance." She looked at Garrus, and then out the window again, "But I do still care. He was a great friend. I can't forget that, even if the tables have turned."

"'Tables have turned'…are you referencing the change of situation?"

Shepard gave a small grin and nodded, "Yes. Sorry."

Garrus and the Commander had been close, but she had rarely ever opened up like this. Maybe it was the lack of familiarity on board the new Normandy. Either way, he found himself pleased. He thought long and hard before speaking up again.

"Shepard, I fought alongside you. I've trusted you with my life more times than I can count. You're the same Shepard I knew. That's why I'm here, right now, for you."

Her green eyes lit up and she smiled once more. "Thank you, Garrus. It wouldn't feel right doing this without you."

She stood up, and with a small wave of her hand and a "Have a good night," She left the room, catching his eyes for a moment before disappearing behind the door.

Garrus unfolded his legs and sat for several moments. He was content again.

He remembered Alenko insulting him to his face, which was an odd change of pace from the Collector chase and picking up new squad mates. He had regarded Kaidan as a friend, although they had lost contact not long after Shepard's death. He was smart, and Garrus felt like his biotics complemented his own personal combat style. They did good on missions together.

He had a bad taste in his mouth after today, though. He wasn't sure how friendly he could be to Alenko the next time they crossed paths. He was feeling oddly protective of Shepard, a little more than is convenient for one's commanding officer. She didn't need naysayer distractions keeping her from her real duty. He hoped the implications of that wouldn't begin to complicate things.

He really did admire the hell out of her. That intangible aura of victory that surrounded her was contagious. He supposed that was why he didn't bat an eye about joining her again, despite Cerberus. His mind began to wander as he gazed at the stars, retracting his steps to how he had even got aboard the Normandy-2. He remembered the first time he had seen Shepard on Omega after she had died.

He vividly recalled being achingly tired as he reloaded his sniper rifle. More mercs flooded over the bridge after the first wave. From the balcony, he saw a squad of three begin to kill the other scum around them. He paused and watched them intently for a few seconds.

As he had watched with curiosity, the squad leader seemed familiar. It wasn't until she was standing in front of him that he realized that he had known who she was the whole time.

She had removed her helmet and her short red hair fell out of it, clumping with sweat.

"_Shepard… I thought you were dead."_

"_Garrus! What are you doing here?"_

He smiled, remembering her stance. She had been eager to see him. She looked relieved and as if she could barely contain a hug as she opened her arms in surprise.

"_It sure is good to see a friendly face…With three of you, I suggest we hold this location, wait for a crack in their defenses, take our chances… It's not a perfect plan. But it's a plan._

"_How did you let yourself get into this position?" _She had put her hand on her hip and narrowed her eyes at him.

"_My feelings got in the way of my better judgment. It's a long story…"_

The warm rush of pain was exquisite when he was shot later and he remembered losing consciousness before opening his eyes only slightly to the sight of Shepard on her knees. He sprayed blood on her armor when he coughed. He inhaled sharply and choked suddenly on the metallic thickness. She was screaming his name and messaging Joker. He noticed her hands were dripping blue as one of them reached out to his forehead. It was cool and comforting, but it didn't keep him from passing out soon after.

He had awoken later to Shepard and Chakwas's voice in the medbay. Shepard's hand rested on his shoulder while they spoke.

"How do you feel?"

"I've been better." He caught a glimpse of his reflection in the medbay's mirror. The side of his face was a melded mess. "Well, I've always heard you had a thing for guys with scars. That's something."

She gave him a wicked grin and patted him on the back, "It's about time you got back to some real work, Vakarian."


	2. Chapter 2

The morning debrief went longer than usual. Garrus's head was still churning, thinking about the Omega 4 relay and the dossiers on the new squad members that needed to be found. Shepard had decided that Illium was the logical place for them to head and reluctantly decided that their arrival would open up restrictive shore leave for the crew. Garrus had a feeling that her decision— though motivated by the two squad members to be found there — had a lot to do with Shepard learning that Dr. Liara T'soni was there. This time, she would be the one paying a visit to an old friend.

Their arrival to Illium wasn't scheduled for another 6 hours. Garrus sat down in the lounge, looking over the new dossiers. He liked being in the middle of everything. It was a good place to look over work while being able to keep tabs on what was going on around the ship.

"Getting jealous?"

Garrus looked up surprised. Jack had pulled out the chair across from him, a bowl of levo—friendly food in her hand.

"About what?" He had hardly spoken to her, but he found Jack amusing. She was a nice contrast to Miranda. She was rough, but she was at least interesting.

She nodded towards the dossiers spread out across the table. "Krios. Supposed to be a hell of a sniper. Hope you can compete, because I can see Shepard replacing you."

Garrus actually laughed out loud, and shook his head. "He's an assassin, and he's a drell. I think I have a little more credibility to my skills."

"What, because you're a turian? Bullshit." She sat her bowl down loudly, making the mess sergeant raise his eyebrows across the room.

"Will we be comparing your biotics to an asari justicar, then?"

Jack smirked and put her feet up on the chair next to her. "Asari have their pluses. But I've never met a biotic I couldn't kill."

Garrus shook his head, unbelieving.

Jack leaned forward; lowering her voice, "Anyway, have you ever fucked Shepard?"

Garrus eyes narrowed, "What?"

She leaned back in her chair again. "I was just wondering. I know you've been around as long as Joker." She took a large bite, looking bored, and began to talk with her mouth full, "I heard about that incident with the _other_ biotic on Horizon yesterday. Sounds like she fucked him."

Garrus paused. Maybe Jack was a little too confronting, even for his tastes. "No, I haven't."

"Do you want to?"

Garrus laughed, putting his hands down on the table. "I'm not going to dignify that with a reply, Jack…"

"So yes?" Another bite was taken. "She's sexy I guess. Women aren't usually my thing, but she's…spicy."

Garrus stood and began picking up his dossiers. "Jack, why don't you go bother Miranda?"

Jack smirked and pulled her knees to her chest and continued eating.

—

The pick up of Krios and the Justicar on Illium went fine. Better than fine, actually. It had been some of the most fun he had had on a mission since the Normandy-1. Feeling satisfied, he now had free time for some upgrades before the next mission.

Unlike the rest of the crew, he had avoided introductions with Krios. He didn't care to say a word to Garrus, and his social distance and formality when speaking to Shepard made him seem pretentious. Shepard was more than impressed by his entry in Nasanna's penthouse, and Garrus had to admit he had skill. He tried not to think about Jack's conversation, but it was strange having another sniper aboard. He couldn't help but wondering, with two crack snipers on the squad, who would be chosen now for the all-important sniper shots?

As Garrus situated himself in the main battery, he heard EDI buzz in his ear about a message in his private terminal. He opened it, anticipating a message from his sister or perhaps spam. The sender was unknown, which was curious at first, but the message was crystal clear. His credits paid to information brokers had paid off.

He sat down and considered his situation for a long time, and began his own research.

—

Garrus arrived at Shepard's room feeling jittery. Her door slid open, and she turned around at her desk. Her hair was tucked behind her ears and her face softened in recognition of him.

"Chambers said you wanted to see me."

Garrus walked in past her, taking the pair of steps down to her couch.

"What's up?"

He stayed standing, putting one hand on his waist and one on the back of his head, "Do you remember what I told you about Sidonis, on Omega?"

She stood up and walked down to the couch. "Of course. Why?"

He started pacing aimlessly. "I know where he is. He's on the Citadel, with a man named Fade."

Shepard reached her arm out. It landed on his shoulder and made him stop in his tracks. "Garrus, relax. Are you positive about this?"

"You know me, Shepard. I'm positive."

She sat down on the couch, pausing to think. Garrus could still feel where her hand landed on his arm.

"So, I'm assuming you want to follow this up?"

Garrus took a deep breath. "I know we're busy. But this might be the only chance I get to take care of him. Who knows how much longer he'll be on the Citadel."

She thought for a few moments before shrugging. "The crew has a lot to prepare for. We can get a lot done on the Citadel with the Normandy."

"…Does that mean we're going?"

Shepard leaned forward and placed her chin on her hand. She looked up at him and gave a small smile. It felt condescending. "If you think this is what you need to do, then we'll go. I trust you, Garrus. But don't make me regret it."

Garrus smiled back at her. He had been positive that she would put it off after the next mission.

"Thank you, Shepard. You won't regret it," He began to walk out of the room.

"Garrus?"

He paused in the doorway. "Yeah?"

"Just think about what we need to do so you'll know when the time comes."

He smirked. "What do you think I've been doing?"

—

It was only a matter of hours until the both of them were hiding behind metal storage boxes, dodging bullets. After pinpointing Fade's location and Garrus shaking down Harkin, they were on the path to Sidonis. The place was crawling with mechs and Blue Suns, but they weaved through them quickly. Merc work was nearly child's play to him now. Almost too easy.

Shepard was enjoying herself. She always bitched about missions and needing a vacation, but Garrus could tell that this was when she was in her prime. But it wasn't the wanton killing she enjoyed. Of course not. It was the advancement. With every graceful step forward she made, she smiled. Every move toward the goal was a success. She was the best soldier he had ever met…not that he would ever tell her that.

Now on the Presidium, the pair were sitting in a transport and waiting for Sidonis to arrive at the specified location.

"It's not too late. Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

It felt oddly normal; sitting with a friend and waiting for someone else to tag along. He was brought down to reality when he remembered he was loading his sniper rifle across his knee.

He grasped for the words to explain himself. Nothing came. "Yes."

"Let me talk to him, Garrus."

"Talk all you want; it won't change my mind." He turned to her swiftly, "You asked if I wanted to do this. I said yes. I've thought about this more than you have. I'm sorry, Shepard, but words aren't going to solve this problem." His voice was harsh, harsher than expected. Condescending, maybe.

Shepard looked down and didn't say anything else. He stared at her for a second and felt momentarily sorry, but the clock refreshed his memory of Sidonis.

The chances of Shepard letting him gun down Sidonis were remote. He tried to settle in his mind that he'd be getting revenge if Sidonis lived or died, but the bloodlust in him surged and pleaded.

"It's time to go."

She nodded and popped the transport hatch up.

After Garrus gave her a run down, he climbed up to the second story above the lounge and began setting up. He watched Shepard walk away from him, and he listened to her comm channel carefully.

He looked through his scope, moving about until he finally saw Sidonis, waiting on one of the lounge benches. He looked anxious as he leaned forward on his knees and looked about.

Memories seeped into his thoughts as he stared at Sidonis. Garrus had considered himself rather close to him when they worked together. He was extremely cunning, and seemed equally disgusted by his own life and the garbage surrounding him. Their anger and skill had played near perfectly to each other. As horrible as losing his squad was, the betrayal was only magnified by the immense trust Garrus had placed in him. It was a trust he had been searching for ever since he had lost Shepard. Losing that again made him feel…nearly soulless.

His disappearance afterwards was almost perfect, but that just made this moment seem even sweeter now. The desperation Garrus had felt when trying to find him only focused his anger, and now he had a rifle focused on his skull. _Oh, how the tables have turned. _The journey was finally near completion, for both of them.

"Alright, there he is…wave him over and keep him talking."

He watched Shepard move obediently forward. She put her hand up in the air, and Sidonis noticed her from across the way. As he stood up, Garrus felt the nervousness and excitement catch in his throat. It burned pleasantly.

Sidonis' voice could be heard over her comm. _"Alright, let's get this over with_." Garrus felt his blood turn to ice. Shepard's head now stood in the way between him and Sidonis' brains scattering across the walkway.

"You're in my shot. Move to the side," His voice hitched. Shepard could ask Garrus for anything now in return for moving out of the shot. Anything.

Shepard paused, and his stomach broiled. "This won't take long at all."

"_Are you one of Harkin's men? I don't remember seeing you from before."_

"That's it, just keep him talking for a few more seconds." Garrus whispered into the comm.

"_I was told Harkin was one of the best. This better not happened again."_

Shepard was silent for a moment too long. "It won't." She moved to the side, and Garrus could see the gears turning in Sidonis's mind. He began to walk away when Garrus took the shot. His blood spattered a moment before his body staggered with the force of the bullet, then crumbled to the floor. Garrus exhaled with pleasure. It was so quick.

Garrus removed his eye from the scope and searched for Shepard below him. She was looking up at him and gave a small wave of the hand. He actually felt himself smile a little, and had to resist waving back.

He inhaled and tried to sort his feelings out.

Out of his peripheral, Garrus saw a man in blue and white armor, walking steadily towards Shepard's back. His pace was intentional, and the realization hit Garrus squarely in the face.

_Of course Sidonis wouldn't come alone. The Blue Suns owe him. Must be a bodyguard. _He dove into the scope, frantically lining up the shot.

"Shepard, _behind _you!"

The merc raised a pistol pointed towards Shepard. She had just begun to turn around as Garrus's frenzied hands lined the merc's head in his sights. It was that moment when he realized the stupidity of the situation.

He had brought the savior of the Citadel, the first Human Spectre, the woman at the forefront of the destruction of the Reapers, purposefully into an unneeded danger. He saw himself explaining her injury… or death, to the Normandy.

_I had to get payback for a fucking grudge_.

To top it off, she had tried to talk him out of it. _If we had told C-Sec and they just arrested him themselves, this wouldn't be happening…_

For the first time since training, he felt his hands shake. The merc's head wavered in and out of the crosshairs.

Bringing her along was without a doubt the most selfish action he ever made. _Fuck._

Shepard was now in a partial crouch, hands reaching for her gun. She had no time left. The sniper rifle shot out. The merc's head burst backwards, and he stumbled, falling to the ground in very much the same manner as Sidonis. It registered just then that a shot was fired from the merc's gun a moment before.

Shepard fell to the ground as she clutched her knee to her chest. He heard her aggravated cry as he folded his sniper and jumped to the lower levels. He felt every heavy step as he ran down the metal grates.

A crowd was already gathering from the shots. As he ran over, she sat up, already examining herself.

"Is it bad?"He kneeled down next to her and motioned for her knee. She placed it in his hands as he pulled it closer to him.

"I'm fine. It's just a scratch."

She was right. There was little blood. The thinner armor around her knee was a weak spot, but the wound was just a graze, and medi-gel was already being released from her suit.

"Can you stand up?"

"Relax, Garrus," She reached up for the rail of the walkway, pulling herself up. As she stood, she looked around, examining the scene. "I guess that went well."

"You could say that." He paused. "I'm sorry. I had no idea. I should have known…"

She shook her head, and was silent. Then she looked back up at him, her eyes wide, "I need to know this is over." Her voice was firm.

He met her eyes. They fluttered just slightly. "Yeah, this is over."

"Glad to hear it."She opened the door to the transport. He frowned and set his sniper rifle on his back.

It was mostly silent as they flew back to the docking bay. Garrus watched as the streets of his old patrol routes disappeared underneath them. There were so many memories here, and almost all of them were bad. Well, at least the ones that stuck out were, and they resurfaced whenever he came back. Things he had almost forgotten about.

"Nice shooting today."

It shook him out of his memories. "What?"

She laughed shortly. "I said, 'Nice shooting'. You probably saved my ass."

"Honestly, Shepard, I do that so often that I don't take notice anymore."

"Fuck off." She smiled.

"Why did you let me kill him?"

Surprised, she turned to him. "Why?"

"I wasn't expecting that you would let me."

"I was prepared to let you do whatever you needed to do. I just wanted you to be sure."

"I did the right thing."

"I know."

"Thank you," It came out from under his breath, but he meant it. He watched her intently for a few moments as her eyes were focused outside. She looked satisfied.

He realized he had forgotten to feel good about killing Sidonis. It felt good now, but not as good as it should have. He still felt strangely empty.

Maybe revenge was a younger man's game. He felt like he had just finished a mission by pulling the trigger, not a personal quest that had lasted months for him.

He wasn't about to complain though.


	3. Chapter 3

The Normandy was mostly empty that night from everyone celebrating shore leave. Knowing where most of the crew would be, it wasn't long until Garrus strayed to a club on the Citadel after giving up on working late. The day had been long, but he didn't feel much feel like sleeping or being alone at all.

The club was at its usual hustle with nauseating fullness. Garrus walked in, trying to get a sense of where he was. He felt momentarily lost in the dim lighting and overwhelming music. There was the typical Normandy gathering around a booth in the front. One of the engineers waved and Garrus sheepishly waved back. He stood still. He wasn't really in the mood for their bullshitting tonight.

It was a moment later that he saw Shepard standing with an unfamiliar asari. She brought a shot glass to her mouth and squeezed her eyes together, puckering, as she set it back down on the bar. The asari laughed and said something to Shepard that came across inaudible to Garrus.

As he began walking over to them, Shepard looked up and smiled, beckoning him forward with her hand.

"How's it going?" She yelled.

"Fine."

"Do you want to have a drink with me?"

Garrus smiled and nodded enthusiastically. Shepard took one more shot and turned away, as the asari sized him up and gave him a dirty look for making Shepard leave. They sat down at a booth, but he waited by himself as Shepard got more drinks. She sat back down and immediately started throwing them back. The silence was awkward and Garrus motioned for a waiter to bring him something turian.

"How long are we going to be here?"

"Just a few days. Give people some time to end any unfinished business."

He realized she was talking about the Omega-4 relay, and that he had completely forgotten about it.

Garrus watched her sink another shot. The glass hit the table a little louder each time she set it down.

"How are you feeling?"

"Good as it gets," He smiled slightly.

She looked up at him for a moment, and she rose her glass in the air suddenly: "May he rot in Hell."

Garrus grinned and raised his glass with her. She clinked them together loudly and drank.

"How long have you been here, Shepard?"

"An hour or so I guess," Shepard looked grim very suddenly, "You know, Kaidan messaged me a few days ago."

"Oh yeah?" Garrus rose another glass to his lips, pausing in curiosity.

She closed her eyes and breathed hard through her nose, "You know how that sort of thing goes."

"Yeah."

She got closer to him, the vinyl of the booth crinkling under her weight, "'Maybe when this is all over', yeah, _right_." She snorted loudly and he could smell her drenched breath suddenly.

"Is that what he said?"

"Yeah, yeah," She leaned forward and put her palm on her chin. Her eyes closed and she looked peaceful for a moment until her arm gave out from under her face and she fell forward, eyes opening. Garrus couldn't contain a small laugh. She smiled for a moment and rolled her eyes.

He was the one to lean forward this time. "Don't you think that's unfair?"

"Huh?"

"That he would push you away like that and then bring up being together."

Shepard's eyes widened for a moment and her lips pursed. She took one more shot. Garrus watched her and waited. She turned to him finally: "What?"

Garrus smirked and looked down. She was just going to get more drunk from here. He wasn't going to make her head hurt with those questions.

He sat still, looking out over the club. It was hazy and smelled sour. The room was a mixture of pink and blue, and lime lasers darted back and forth every few moments. For the amount of commotion, it was strangely peaceful. All those noises and lights were directed outward and all Garrus felt was the warmth of lights and other people.

Shepard's head fell against his shoulder hard, and he pulled back for a moment instinctively in surprise. Her head leaned with him though, and he pushed his weight against her again so she wouldn't fall over. He was still again.

It felt odd, but it was nice. He never quite realized how small she was compared to him. Her frame seemed so much bigger when it was built up with armor and she had a gun cocked in her hands. He leaned his face forward and saw her eyes were closed and her mouth was open.

He leaned back, and let himself enjoy it for a few moments before he began to shake his shoulder gently, "Shepard?"

It was several moments before her eyes opened again and she sat up slowly. He was prepared for her to be embarrassed, but she only yawned and rubbed her eye with her right hand.

"Garrus, I gotta go back to the Normandy, I gotta go…" Her voice trailed off once again. He watched as she began to slide out of the booth when she lost her footing instantly and stumbled back into her seat. Garrus was already on her side and reached out to steady her.

"Spirits, Shepard, do I really have to do everything for you?" He picked her up by her left arm and pulled it around his shoulder, standing up with his arm around her waist. The feeling was no longer of giddiness, but of friendship. He didn't mind too much that he had only left the Normandy less than an hour ago and was heading back.

They walked back slowly to the ship. She hiccupped and leaned against him the entire time. As they walked past large windows to the outside, she pointed out the window towards the opposite arms of the Citadel.

"No stars. Don't like it here."

Garrus looked out the window for a moment and shook his head, "I can't say I like it here that much myself."

"You have better reasons though." She yawned again. He shrugged and slowed his pace.

They made it to the Normandy in good timing. It was almost dead, save for the basic skeleton crew.

In their favor, so many drunken crew members had been escorted back in the past that nobody gave them a second look. Shepard wasn't a slouch with her drinking reputation, either, and it was usual for her to be escorted back to the Normandy during shore leave.

He opened the door to the Captain's Quarters and pushed her gently against the wall.

"Your room, as per your request."

She took the first steps into the room, walking backwards and keeping an eye on Garrus. She began to laugh, and then promptly tripped down the stairs to her bed. Her head hit the floor just barely as her hands failed to catch her.

"Shepard…shit." He walked down the stairs and leaned down to her. She was sitting up and her hand grasped the back of her head in pain. He reached out and touched her head and rubbed it thoughtfully for a moment.

She looked up at him. Their faces were closer than he remembered, and he swallowed. Her hand met his for a moment in her hair, until she moved hers to his face. She pawed it gently, using her thumb to caress his cheekbone. He could feel her drunken shakiness as she tried to hold her arm up.

"Shepard, I –"

She leaned forward and kissed him. Her lips felt hot and strange against his mouth, and her hand moved to his fringe and the back of his neck. She tasted so sweet and live. He felt himself begin to lose it as he suddenly pulled her to him tightly. Her small frame was so easy to manipulate and he felt the strong urge to wrap himself around her until they were indistinguishable from each other. They somehow had ended up on her bed, with him on top of her.

Their faces finally pulled away for a moment. Garrus stopped to stare at her. She smiled slightly, but he saw her green eyes blink slowly and he remembered her inebriated state. It only took a moment of pulling away before she turned more on her side and closed her eyes, looking like she was about to fall asleep.

Still, she pulled him close to her and gave a breathy moan, impatiently waiting for him to touch her again.

Garrus rolled onto his side, using all his will, and put his talon up to her cheek. He watched the flesh in her face form to his hand. She was so soft. She smiled again.

"I have to go, Shepard."

She murmured in disagreement, but he was already getting up, and she was already clutching at blankets, falling asleep.

As he stood up next to her, after flattening his casual shirt back down, he pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. Her body flexed in comfort in a way that made his own body nearly shake. _Handle this with grace. _

"Goodnight," she exhaled, as he began to walk away slowly out of the room. He looked back at her once more when the door closed suddenly, making him feel very alone.

He stood for a very long time outside the door, thinking. It would be so easy to just…fall asleep in that room. Next to her, he'd finally feel warm on this freezing ship.

He slowly walked back to quarters, and found himself feeling giddy again. How odd. It felt silly, but he couldn't deny the pleasure of it. The rush of feelings made his head hurt though, and he soon laid down, staring at the ceiling.

He remembered the taste of her alcohol tongue and it struck him suddenly that he had very real feelings for her. He had felt small whispers of it in the back of his mind since he first began to work with her, but now it was unavoidable and yelling at him to go back upstairs and see if she would wake up to him begging to be in her bed once more.

_Okay, that's a little pitiful. _

He swallowed and turned on his side. He forced himself to remember how drunk she had been and that her inebriated actions didn't change what her sober self might feel.

Still, he let himself contain a glimmer of excitement in his chest, and he smiled himself to sleep. He never thought he would be searching for a break in the monotony on this ship. Yet, here he was.

—

It was the next day in the main battery when he heard the door open behind him. He refused to look up and lose track of his current cycle in his calibrations.

"Just one moment, I—" He saw Shepard's hips lean against the table and he looked up at her. "Shepard."

"How are you doing?"

Garrus looked down at his screen, realized it was pointless, and paused his work. He straightened up and folded his arms, "I'm fine, but I'm more worried about you."

"Why's that?"

"Took a pretty big fall last night."

She winced and smiled slightly, "I don't really remember too much of that."

"Is that why you're here?"

She smirked, and jutted her hip out from her body, "I just hope I didn't say anything too stupid."

Garrus examined her for a moment. Her eyes were slightly puffed and red, and she squinted back at him. "You said a lot of stupid stuff, but you were good company."

She crossed her arms and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Garrus, I hope I didn't weird you out."

They both stood in silence for several moments. He tried to think of something to say but words left him. He reached out and touched her shoulder, and her eyes looked up into his.

"You don't have to be sorry."

Her gaze into his eyes turned sour as her lips straightened. She looked down, and coiled her shoulder away from him just slightly. "I have to go."

His hand was still in the air as she began to leave the room, "Shepard, I—"

She turned around abruptly. "Garrus. I was drinking a lot last night…You know it's complicated. But don't make me explain myself…please?" She looked at him pleadingly and painfully, and then left the room.

He looked back to where she was standing, speechless.

He put both of his hands on the table and closed his eyes. He was overwhelmingly nauseous and tired. Last night was the first time he had felt any affection at all in…years. He realized now how idiotic it was for him to build any expectation. Silly, really.

Still, he could not deny his hurt and annoyance as he tried to finish his work. He stared at the screen for a few more moments before deciding he wasn't going to work this away. He left the Normandy soon afterwards.


	4. Chapter 4

_The full days that you fritter away at the bar are the days where you never planned on drinking in the first place._ He hated these long shore leaves and how they always seemed to turn sour.

He remembered the so-called suicide mission they were about to embark on and he wondered if this would be his last time on the Citadel. _Spirits, I wish._

He amused himself for a second. He'd love to think that he was drinking just to forget about being scared of dying. But no, he wouldn't be nervous until the hours beforehand. He probably wouldn't even have trouble sleeping that night.

The night before Illos, Garrus and Tali had played cards while Wrex contributed to the conversation. They had been sitting around bullshitting while they watched Kaidan slink up the stairs to the Captain's cabin. Garrus hadn't said anything, but Tali tittered quietly and Wrex made an off-color joke about human mating rituals.

He guessed he knew it then, but he wouldn't let himself think about it_. Too much to contemplate then_. But he had felt that familiar pang in his stomach, and it was the same one he felt on Horizon. The jealous pang he felt turned into the nausea he had when Shepard narrowly missed that Blue Suns merc blowing her head off. She was becoming a distraction.

At the time, on the Normandy 1, while he played cards and drank with a Quarian and a Krogan, with not a single woman to pine for on his mind, the only real thought that he remembered having about Shepard was just that she could definitely do better than _that._

She could, too. That bastard biotic couldn't kill a pyjak without someone around to actually shoot it while he made it float in the air. It infuriated and disappointed him, that she would get so caught up in him, and that it would bother her when Kaidan called her a traitor. She should never have given him a second thought. He was off the Normandy, off the mission, unimportant, and a disloyal friend. Time to move on.

But no matter how silly her hurt feelings were, Garrus hated him for making her feel that way. She deserved only the best and Kaidan was a pitiful excuse for her. He imagined him feeling pretty smug for ditching the most powerful woman in the galaxy, and his blood boiled.

Garrus had hardly looked up all night and he sheepishly took a glance around the bar. He had been anticipating old C-Sec co-workers to recognize him and give him shit.

Most people were up dancing and most everyone sitting around the bar looked drunk and miserable. As his eyes circled the room, they landed on a dark haired human sitting in the corner. _Holy shit._ Kaidan Alenko.

Garrus swallowed hard and looked back down at his drink. _Why would he be here?_ He was on the other side of the bar at a table, facing mostly away from Garrus. He could see his harsh profile and stuck up black hair when he would turn his face just slightly towards Garrus. He had a drink in his hands and a datapad sitting on the table. _Who brings a datapad to a bar? _

Garrus sat facing forward in his seat again. His stomach hurt and he looked down at his whiskey. He seethed and felt sick. _Can I get away from these people for one goddamned day?_

Ten minutes passed and Garrus went through another drink. Kaidan was still reading and Garrus found it hard not to stare. He felt his thoughts become more muddled and all he felt was anger. He knew it was only a matter of time before his drunkenness would overcome him and he would go to talk to the Lieutenant. The battle was soon lost, and he stood. He staggered his way over to the table and waited for Kaidan to look up at him.

When he did, his eyes became wide and his mouth opened, "Garrus?"

Garrus sat down at his table. "Who else would it be?"

Kaidan squinted his eyes and shook his head. "What are you doing here?"

"Why? Can't I stop and have a drink with an old friend?"

Kaidan raised his eyebrows and shook his head, not saying anything.

"What are you doing here, Kaidan?" his voice was stern and they stared at each other hard for several moments.

"I'm doing what you're doing apparently. Having a drink."

"I mean, why are you here on the Citadel?"

"Reassignment. Meeting with the council. Things are changing for me after what happened on Horizon."

"I'm sure it's glamorous."

"The Normandy must be taking some time off then." His small smile was hardly containable, and Garrus wondered briefly if he was mocking him. He steadied himself against the table with his arm.

"Yeah."

"Have a bad day? You seem pretty loaded." He smiled again. Garrus could not stand that stupid fucking smile, and the way he breathed before each sentence… and his eyebrows.

An Asari dancer walked past and Garrus noticed her for only a moment before he pulled her into his lap. She gave her standard giggle but only made herself comfortable once Garrus fumbled several credits into her waistband from his pocket.

Kaidan stared blankly back at Garrus, looking uncomfortable for a moment. Garrus smiled and grazed his chin against the asari's shoulder, taking in her scent. She smelled artificially sweet and Garrus remembered Shepard's light, spicier scent.

"I did have a bad day, but I have a feeling it's going to get better, running into both of you."

The asari laughed again and Kaidan's eyes fell once more. "I should go. I'm meeting someone soon."

He began to get up and Garrus shook his head, "No, no, no, don't get up on account of me." He angled his face towards the asari again. "Sweetie, could you get one of your friends to come over here and join my friend? He doesn't seem that excited to be here."

The asari had just begun to move when Kaidan finally stood. "That's not going to be necessary. I'll see you some other time, Garrus."

Garrus abruptly stood up, causing the Asari to fall off his lap and curse. She had already begun to walk away when Garrus pushed Kaidan by his shoulder, back into his original stance.

"Why don't you want to catch up, Kaidan?"

Kaidan swallowed and looked incredulous. "Garrus, I don't know what your problem is, but you should back off now, before you make a fool of yourself."

"I thought I already did a fine job of that when I joined back with Shepard."

Kaidan's eyes squinted for a moment before rolling. "Is that what this is about?"

"Horizon or Shepard?" Garrus cursed inwardly when he realized his mistake.

"_Shepard?_ What do me and Shepard have to do with any of this?"

"What the fuck do you mean by 'you and Shepard'?"

They stared at each other, their faces getting closer. Garrus was taller than him, but Kaidan held his own and didn't flinch at Garrus's breath on his face.

"Look, I don't have to explain my relationship with Shepard to you," Kaidan's voice deepened, "You aren't involved."

"I got involved the moment you left her behind."

Kaidan's eyes widened and his face contorted. "You would, you fucking snake in the grass."

"Kaidan." Garrus had to stop himself from moving towards Kaidan when he heard Shepard's voice next to him. He turned and saw her, standing arms crossed. Her sleeves were rolled up on her civilian shirt, and her mouth was a thin line.

"What are you doing here?" Garrus's voice became higher and softer.

"I came here to meet Kaidan and I watched you make an ass of yourself with that asari, and then got close enough to hear you both spout bullshit."

"…Why are you meeting him, Shepard?"

Shepard furrowed her brow and looked like she was at a loss for words. "Look, Garrus, that doesn't matter. We have things I need to talk about..."

Garrus stopped and felt himself lose all his patience he might have held for her. He felt desperate, annoyed, and tired. "You deserve someone who would actually be there for you when you needed them. If you're going to put up with anything less than that, you're just as much of an idiot as he is."

His eyes cast down and he inhaled. He avoided Shepard's begging eyes, and nearly began to turn around.

"Don't act all innocent. I know it was you and Shepard dealing with that ex-merc killer in the Presidium. How can you say anything to me about being there when you brought her along to help you murder some old foe?" Kaidan leaned back on his hip. "Hunting down someone like an animal and needing Shepard's barely reinstated Spectre status to get away with it, while putting her in danger. Real protective."

As Garrus gasped for words, Shepard crossed her arms and looked at the ground, "Don't blame him. I chose to help Garrus; that guy was a terror and he deserved it." She faced Kaidan now.

Kaidan scoffed, mimicking Shepard's arm crossing, "So killing anyone you see fit because of your status is a good use of the judicial system that we both followed?"

"I gained this status, Kaidan, and I can decide what I want to do with it."

"Well you know what, Shepard. That turian would have been tortured to death by those mercs if he hadn't dimed. He wasn't some cold hearted killer. He was working with C-Sec to bring those Blue Suns off their Citadel branch, but why investigate something like that when you can just kill a man to work out a grudge?"

Kaidan was now just inches away from Shepard and Garrus watched, still angry but now inquisitive. She looked like she could sputter from anger and he swore he could see red burn in her eyes.

Instead of sputtering something inarticulate though, she took a long pause, straightened up, and looked past Kaidan, "He deserved it, Kaidan, it doesn't matter if he was cooperating." Kaidan paused and shakily put his hand on her shoulder, and she pushed it off. "I said yes to the mission. I trust Garrus." Her voice became faster and the last syllable was harsh and loud, taking Kaidan aback.

"Your morals are becoming messy."

"Fuck you."

Kaidan's eyes twitched gently. "On Horizon, I didn't want to believe that you had changed. This isn't you Shepard. This isn't right."

Her fists clenched, and she took one more step forward as she got into Kaidan's face. "What on Earth would you know about who I am now, Kaidan?"

Kaidan's mouth fell open, and his eyes searched Shepard's. She took a step back and kept her gaze.

"Nothing, I guess." They looked at each other for a few seconds before Kaidan turned away without saying a word. He was soon out of sight in the crowd.

Shepard stood for several moments, looking straight ahead still. Her eyes were big and she shook slightly.

"Shepard, I—"

"Garrus. Don't even start."

She began to walk away when Garrus reached out for her arm. He missed it by only a few inches as she made her way away from him.


	5. Chapter 5

It was several hours later when Garrus appeared at the Captain's room, hoping he'd get let in. He wasn't sure what his chances were of seeing Shepard again before shore leave was over, but he wouldn't be able to live with himself it if he didn't at least try to smooth things over.

After being left at the bar, he had sobered up for a few hours by walking around the Presidium. Bad memories aside, it was beautiful and for the most part, calming. He felt more removed from it than he ever had, and after considering his situation, decided on a suitable gift for Shepard. He needed to make reparations. He wasn't sure if humans apologized as turians do, but he had to go off his own instincts.

He waited patiently for the request to go through and looked down at the box he had just purchased at the Citadel. It was red and wrapped in some sort of…artificial knot. He swallowed nervously. In his perverse curiosity, he had spent a lot of his free time watching vids about human relationships, but he was positive he wouldn't know everything that could possibly offend a human female, or what could be too forward.

The door slid open and Shepard appeared. She was still in her civilian clothes, which clung on her figure much more than the armor he usually saw her in. Her eyes were red still. She stood there expectedly, leaning on one foot.

"Garrus."

"Shepard… is this a bad time?"

She smirked and put one of her hands on the wall next to her. "Why would it be a bad time, Garrus?"

He swallowed and smiled. "Could you talk to me?"

She considered it for a moment, her gaze lowering to the awkward box in his hands. "Garrus, what is that?"

He looked down at it, acting surprised. "It's chocolate. Not turian of course… levo-amino acids and all of that."

"Levo-amino acid chocolate, gosh."

He held it out for her sheepishly and she considered him for a moment. He felt like her face was a constant half-smile around him, like she was always about to laugh. It used to threaten him, but now he realized it was her way of trying to be friendly.

"Garrus, what are you expecting here?" Her eyes narrowed. "What have you heard about humans and chocolate?"

"I came here to apologize." She stared at him for a moment, "Shepard, even turians like chocolate…don't you?" He offered it again towards her.

She still looked at him suspiciously, and took the box from him, "Alright, come in here. People are going to start talking if they see you come up here much more."

"I think they already are."

Shepard shot him an evil look and he watched her make her way down her steps and set the box on her coffee table. Her shoulder blades were slightly noticeable under her shirt as she moved, and his eyes trailed down to her ass. He didn't used to appreciate that asari, human softness, but he felt like he was just starting to understand what the fuss was about.

She turned around to face him.

"Can I talk to you about today?"

She ran her hands through her hair. "Of course, Garrus,"

"…How long were you there, exactly?"

She smiled, "Long enough to see you nearly knock that asari on her ass when you stood up."

"Shepard, you know that wasn't…me." Her eyebrows rose and she gave a one note laugh. His voice lowered. "You don't understand how long I had been sitting in that bar, alone." She looked at him for a moment, and then away.

"I've had a lot on my mind… and I hate feeling like I'm not in control. It's hard not to pull that male dominance stuff when you're drunk… and a turian, I guess." He thought for a moment, "You make me feel out of control. It's just that…damn it…I've come to care for you, Shepard."

She crossed her arms and looked at her fish tank for a moment. "I didn't want that night of me getting drunk and falling all over you to be the night that ended me and Kaidan. I couldn't admit that earlier."

"Did it?"

She exhaled and leaned back. "No….Today did, though."

They sat in silence for a long time.

"I'm sorry about the dancer… and about getting involved."

Her eyes rolled. "If you hadn't got involved, he probably would have given me some chocolate and we'd be in a hotel somewhere with me hating myself afterwards." She smiled a little and glanced at Garrus. "And forget about that dancer."

"If he planned for it to work out that way, I'm sure he's pretty bummed out now."

She smiled and shook her head.

"Are you okay?" He watched her carefully.

"Yeah… I guess I'm a little shaken up. But I knew this was going to happen. It's been hard." She bit her lip, "It's been hard, after Horizon. You being around…it's nice. Too nice. As long as you're here, it feels like things aren't that different…" Her voice trailed off and she shrugged, "I hope I don't lose contact with him. But that's all."

"How do you feel about Sidonis?"

She looked up at him quizzically. "Sidonis?"

"After what Kaidan said."

"Why does that matter?"

"What if we were wrong? Like Kaidan said?"

Shepard stepped towards Garrus very suddenly and she looked up into his eyes, "Garrus, we made the right decision."

"But if he really was —"

She moved even closer, their faces only inches away now. "Nothing can absolve him of what he did, Garrus. Don't ever question that again."

He was about to open his mouth again when he paused to look down at her. Her eyes were open wide and her pupils were small. Her lips were parted slightly, revealing a glimpse of her curious blocky, white teeth.

"Are you sure?" His voice became quiet and cracked.

She kept her gaze on him and put her hand suddenly on his face. She stroked her thumb gently below his eye and he glimpsed down at her arm slightly.

"Yes." She stood up on her toes suddenly, connecting her face with his. Her lips collided with his and her body melded against him.

The sensation was very pleasing, but he restrained himself and didn't embrace her yet. She lowered herself but kept her face close to his. She blushed slightly as he made eye contact with her again.

He was at a loss for words and looked down at her hands. He picked one of them up suddenly, pulling it towards his face cautiously. He examined it with curiosity. It was much smaller, with more fingers than his. His talons looked harsh against her thin fingers, but after a moment he placed her hand back onto his face. It was cool and comforting.

She smiled at him, forming her hand to his face, "I've come to care for you, Garrus."

He felt nauseous in his excitement, trying to restrain his hopes again. "Shepard, I need to know if this is what you really want or not. If I'm being too forward, or if you're not ready yet… just know that I'm here for you." He paused, "You're the only part of my life that makes sense anymore and I can't afford to mess things up."

She tilted her head slightly, "You won't mess things up." She was cold against him, and soon she tucked herself under his arm and into his chest, hugging him tightly to her. "There's nobody on this fucking ship I can trust like you." Her voice was high and cracked like his.

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. The texture of her hair was surprisingly soft and he grazed his chin against it. He rocked her back and forth slightly, swaying gently. They were silent for a long time before she began to kiss his neck and grinded herself against him. His eyes opened as he shuddered. He wouldn't be turian if he could hold back much any longer than that.

"Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?"

She grinned and nodded expectantly.

"Have you…ever been with a turian before?"

Shepard titled her head back and laughed, "Jesus, Garrus, no."

"Well I don't want to assume—"

She kissed him again suddenly and he tried to adjust his mouth to hers. He felt her soft tongue in his mouth and he pushed her back after a moment, "I just don't know how much you know about…our compatibility."

"How much do _you_ know about our compatibility?"

He paused, remembering all the vids he had bothered watching. "Well, I know some things. I think."

She laughed again and reached up to his fringe, massaging the back of his neck gently. Garrus felt himself melting under her and growled quietly.

"I know some things, too."

He kissed her back hard after that, and soon pushed her against the silver wall. She made a small gasp as he pushed himself against her, running his talons through her hair and to her face.

He was breathing hard and he stared at her as he pulled back slightly again, "So…I have your permission…?"

She laughed again, looking up towards the ceiling, "God, Garrus, what do I have to do to convince you?"

"Do you have any… prophylactics?"

Shepard furrowed her brown and smiled, "Condoms? No…Why would we need them?"

"Shepard, do I really need to explain levo-dextro amino acids to you?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I just don't want to…agitate you."

She grimaced and sighed, "Well, do you have some in your room?"

He lowered his voice and sighed. "Would you be mad if I…already had one?"

She looked back up at him and laughed. "Now that's a little presumptuous, Garrus…"

He shook his head and put his hand on her face, "Not at all. Mordin just begged me to take them after things starting spreading around the ship. Really." He was telling the truth; it had only been a few days ago as he passed through Mordin's lab quickly, trying to avoid conversation, when the salarian chased him through the door and pleaded with him to consider conscientious mating. They had been sitting in his pocket since.

She nodded, smiling, "Well, then I guess I'm glad you're prepared."

He went back to kissing her and he felt his plates start shifting as he got more aroused. He began losing control of himself with every caress she gave, and soon he pulled her body away from the wall and onto the bed, where she landed with a thud.

He got on his knees in front of her, eagerly undoing her belt and nibbling on her thighs while doing so. He heard her giggling and bit down until her laughter turned into a moan.

As he pulled her pants down, he examined her fleshy underside. It was curious, but not overwhelmingly different from the separation between female plates he was used to seeing…and he had seen enough vids to know what was coming. Her smell that he had always picked up before was now intensified and it drove him crazy.

"Is this okay?"

Shepard propped her head up and looked down at him, smiling, "It's more than okay,"

"Do human males do this?"

"Sometimes…if they're being good."

He smiled softly, and rested his forearms on her belly and his hands on her breasts and licked her carefully. She was sweeter than expected and he had to restrain himself to being gentle. Her moaning became halted and louder, and he smiled. He looked up at her soft belly and mounds of breasts as her back arched dramatically.

He continued on for a few minutes before she closed her legs and picked his head up from between her legs. "I want you _now_, Garrus."

He stood up and watched her remove her shirt and bra very quickly. Her whole body was so fleshy and soft, and it seemed so prone to injury. She looked beautiful and vulnerable though, without all those silly clothes and armor.

"Stop looking at me and fuck me." Her voice pleaded softly.

That incited him, and he pushed her roughly by her shoulders to turn her around, with her stomach against the bed. She gasped in surprised and he clumsily removed himself from his pants, fumbling for the condom he absentmindedly had and then ripped the packaging open with his teeth. He put it on quickly, and decided not to ask permission this time as he placed one of his talons on the back of her neck and the other to fit himself inside her. It was only a few moments before he slid in and he heard her surprised, "Oh!"

He smiled and put both of his talons on her shoulders, and began to fuck her, bending his body over so he could feel her warmth against his stomach. Her gasps became quicker and shorter and she called his name as he went slowly faster. She was smaller and lighter than he was used to and he tried to hold himself back from his full thrusts.

He soon lost it and watched his talons dig into her as he came to a finish, growling loudly and relishing the final collision of his hips against her ass. He fell to her side on the bed and laid out on his back.

As he struggled to catch his breath, he felt Shepard turn on her side and throw her arm around his chest as she nuzzled her cheek into him. He lifted his head slightly to look down her naked back and felt himself smiling. "…Was that okay?"

She gave a small giggle and lifted her head slightly, "That was fantastic."

He nodded, relieved. The room was filled with their smell and the sound of their moist breath.

She wiped her forehead, and pulled him to her tightly again. He was tired and drunk with happiness as his eyes closed.

"I think I love you, Garrus." Her voice was very small but he was sure he heard it.

He lifted his head slightly, "Really?"

But her eyes were closed and she was drowsing on his chest. He didn't mind though. He kissed her forehead and smiled, and fell asleep nearly as quickly as she did. The warmth was sweeter than he ever imagined.


End file.
